Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
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I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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