Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
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Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
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My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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