Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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