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It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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