we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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