he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
