I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The beer is more important than you right now.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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