"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
