I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
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There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
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I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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