someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
