dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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