Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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