I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
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But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
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screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.