god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....