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I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just made my gag reflex go away.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
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