Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
