Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
