I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
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