What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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