and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
