I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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