They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We are all done wearing pants today
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
