he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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