remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
