he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
