what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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