I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I AM VODKA MAN
We need a shit load of segways right now
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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