Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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