alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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