i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
