Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
high people should be assigned attendants
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
