I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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