my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
