mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
