All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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