I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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