Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
