some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
