I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
