Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
