It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
