i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
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