I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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