please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
