I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
