you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
