She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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