Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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