Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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