3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
