I feel like abortions should bother me more
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
