He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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