At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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