It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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