im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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