honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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