I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
