oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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