My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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