I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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