I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
