im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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