The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
All the doctor said was why
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
