Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
