grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
