My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
