he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
