I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
