she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
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He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
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It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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