My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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