Will you blow on my dice?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
