Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
