I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
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The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
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My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
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