is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
