Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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