Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
