So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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